FIRE YOUR THERAPIST !

A post from www.goodtherapy.org  touched on another of my favorite topics- the balance between intimacy with another and intimacy or connection within oneself. We must be able to connect internally or innerpersonally and externally or interpersonally. The post eloquently addresses what is problematic in relationships, merging and dependency, and it is common for these to occur since growing and connecting in relationships can only occur in relationships. We cannot do it alone. We must find that balance between inner and outer connection. How do we do that?

http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/category/articles-relationships/

My experience as a therapist and as a relationship partner tells me that we have to be able to use this "problematic" behavior as the catalyst or as the pathway to develop a solidity in ourselves and from this place be able to be present in our own experience and then be present for our partner as they go through their emotional healing experiences.

The reason for dependency and merging is our emotional past stored in "implicit" memory. We must be able to identify and separate our unhealthy dependency from early life relationships and not "act it out" in current adult situations since the relationship partner cannot fix this dependency. The other can help us heal this dependency from our past by helping us be with and heal the pain. This is a slippery road.

Hedy Schleifer’s online presentation a few weeks ago on goodtherapy.org was extremely helpful in this endeavor. She spoke of "crossing the bridge" where one person crosses into the others world to be with their experience and to set ones own experience aside temporarily. This is not supporting depency or merging and it is extremely helpful for both partners to be in one’s world and get to know this experience. Most people have never had the benfit of this connection.

In Interpersonal Neurobiology this connection is seen as having an impact on the limbic brain of both participants where new neural pathways are created as well as oxytocin being generated. The more oxytocin the more potential for connection and the more connection the more oxytocin. This process of healing is based on these neurological changes which can bring about permanent changes not only to neurons but also to genetic makeup as well. (See Daniel Siegel)

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 15th, 2008 at 9:45 am and is filed under RELATIONSHIPS, SCIENCE- INTERPERSONAL NEUROBIOLOGY, THERAPY. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.