More Connection
SCIENCE- INTERPERSONAL NEUROBIOLOGY, THERAPY|David at www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/06/10/joined-at-the-hip/ directed me to
www.morethansound.net/store/index.php I listened to the dialogue between these two creative scientists and I liked the part about the 90 year old woman who never learned to talk about feelings or learned the language of the mind. I was moved by the event where she was sad that she did not get the part in the play and was punished for being sad. I was reminded of being in my own family and being punished or humiliated for having feelings. I did not learn the language of the mind either and what this really comes down to is not learning the language of the heart.And it is my own pain that allows me to connect with my clients pain and allowed me to connect with this 90 yr old woman in Dr Siegel’s story.
The pain of the loneliness for the child in these situations is much worse than the disappointment of not getting the acting part. This lack of connection, the pain from this, the rise of cortisol levels cause damage to the brain, the limbic brain and creates neural pathways which lead one to certain, unhealthy behaviors like what John Gottman calls the four horseman- withdrawal, stonewalling, contempt, and blaming.
And the healing process occurs when the individual learns to create new neural pathways as the plasticity of the brain allows this to occur. This new science, Interpersonal Neurobiology, is a wondrous discovery. There are also suggestions that we can not only change neurons but genes as well. All of this happens as a result of connecting with core emotions and establishing the emotional connection with others.
www.relationalcounselingseattle.com
Christopher Diggins
November 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I have never really understood those people who lack that ability to make connections with other people. Not only does that bafflr me but it also worries me so much about those who have been brought up in this type of environment. It is as if the cycle then perpetuates itself because those who have been exposed to this then lack the tools that they need to make those same sorts of connections that are necessary. It is interesting to me that loneliness and these lack of connecting experiences actually have a biological effect on the body. I am happy to hear though that new pathways can be created and that this can take part no matter the age of the patient.